The online home of Appleman1234 / Benjamin Southall

Hi everyone / anyone,

I am currently updating world (Gentoo package collection), and managed to get rarian to compile after filing a bug in which someone suggested I disable ccache for that compile, so I did and it worked, so thanks. (Now I am CC for a ccache bug that was reported earlier…) I was working on a Project evaluation for the ITB712 project earlier, but will resume it tomorrow with a renew vigor courtesy of sleep, focus and some other rhapsody of persuasive gusto.

I had a meeting discussing the details of my vacation research scholarship today. (To keep me from get boring and taking over the world :P) . It was a good meeting, I almost didn’t make it in time as Google Maps doesn’t have street numbers yet. The research over the vacation is in the field of MDA / MDD (Model Driven Architecture/ Model Driven Development) and promises to be interesting and fun, well at least I think so.

I also got to say Hi to Redhatter, who was picking fights with a 386, a CGI script, a font resizing script in Perl, some LEDS on a breadboard and anything else he could get his hands on …… :P. That said he plays good music, the kind I remember from the hospital, the kind I wanted to listen to on the way home tonight.

I also got to play a bit of Freelancer, which isn’t as rewarding when you realise that other people have so much more money and better ships then you. Well at least I have the highest kill count for now …… .

As I was coding I came up with a parody in the space of 5 minutes, I won’t upload it at the moment, as I want to make sure it is ok with the person I am dedicating it to before, I do so, let alone recording it.

According to the others playing Freelancer (thanks Arania, Sedim, Skorge) I shouldn’t bother speaking or engaging in conversation with them because I either oversimplify or overcomplexify anything said. I disagree with this, I am more inclined to believe that I interpret and perceive things not in a 1D context, where each context is represented by a single point with constant axis values, but in a 2D, 3D or ND context, complete with change of basis (linear algebra term) context , context zoom and intertexuality. (possibly consider least squares approximation in linear algebra, basically isomorphs to things that can’t be understand in the current context, unless given with respect to their original context, if Chris ever reads this, I am not liable for what happens to his head….) .

So occasionally given the nature of my brain, I am prone incorrect context zoom, and mentioning terms , concepts, ideas and other things (that make people call it old or say WTF ……), that isomorph or approximately isomorph into the current context but the rule of isomorphism is implied, and not explicit , so just as people wonder how the magician does their tricks (implied), people wonder where I pulled that reference or context from ?

When the magician explains their tricks (explicit), is like me explaining which context I am relating from, or speaking with respect to (explicit), it makes it less WTF and more Ohhhhhhh, Weirdo …………., or ” I get it, but I don’t like it.

Anyhow, enough to say that given the death promises (I already have at least 350 people who consider me their enemy that have given me death threats, I don’t need friends and acquaintances to start) , I won’t interject unless asked into anymore of their conversations and will keep my thoughts and wisdom to myself.

And sure sure, critical literacy and the scientific method make it ok for you to rip other people’s ideas and concepts to threads in a quest for validity and truth, but logic doesn’t allow for emotions. Quoting “I, Robot” (The Movie),

V.I.K.I.: Do you not see the logic of my plan?

Sonny: Yes, but it just seems too… heartless.

V.I.K.I.:My logic is undeniable, my logic is undeniable, myyy looogic is unndeenniabble..

And if I mention illogic now, most of you will freak, so I am not going to, because if you really want to know, you would search out the knowledge yourself or ask me.

There are always lots of little things, little things we don’t like or approve of, but we tolerate, we bide our time and put up with circumstance, not because we want to, but because we choose to show tolerance towards it.

Tolerance in moderation is good, as too much leads to rages and emotional breakdowns, being treated as a doormat and too little lends to a short fuse, a hot temper and the consequences associated with that. I try my best to ensure that my tolerance for the majority of things stays at a high level. I am not sure why….

As for the Meme Title comment, it is in reference to two things, the first being that of the chain email, particular the cute chain email , that drives people mad and makes them combust mentally, and the second being that Chrystle posted a Meme on her LJ (Livejournal), that requires a user to provide 10 things that they want to say to 10 of their friends but not specify which friend and thing to say goes where.

I don’t like this meme. I don’t like it because I don’t see what leaving people hanging over which comment / compliment is their’s does , I don’t like it because I don’t see the point in not telling your friends directly what you want to tell them(unless you feel uncomfortable about the topic or they will feel uncomfortable about the topic, in which you can either spend some time getting comfortable or tell them anyway and be out of your comfort zone).

The word or lies that hurt most are the words or lies that are thought but unsaid , silently creating a web of deceit and deception, unless you don’t know what to say or what to think. All hidden truths will appear eventually.

I rediscovered Toonstruck the other in a discussion about adventure puzzle games (which seem to be the topic now that everyone loves Portal) . Weird thing is I don’t remember Christopher Lloyd (who is the main star) being in it. That also reminds me of the Monkey Island series and Myst and ScudVM and BASS.

Does anyone still use Binhex ? I don’t see why unicode and tar.bz shouldn’t have taken over.

What is futile that you still bother with ?

Best wishes

Benjamin Southall aka Appleman1234

Hey everyone,

My apologies for the delay, not like anyone will notice it. I have been very busy with Uni stuff (almost over, only Computer Architecture assignment due Monday and Exams to study for). Thanks to my ITB712 Team for keeping me sane.

This was supposed be an audio blog, but then I realised that I had too much to say and that some of it wouldn’t be easy to record.

Events of the late (what happened since last time).

Successfully finished ITB712 group project complete with Virus Fiasco. The machine the release was built on had a virus :(. Naturally the tutor accused me of writing a virus to infect his machine. (of which I did no such thing.)

Got my modeling results back, not happy with them, but will have to live with them. Like everything else I suppose.

Tried to escape into a Freelancer reality and haven’t succeeded. The problem with escapism is that unless it is immersive then it doesn’t work. The reality or place of escape has to be isomorphic with the real reality, otherwise you get bored and return to the real reality, in which you suffer the pain you were trying to avoid.

At least I have two class 10 weapons now, fat lot of good they do in this reality, in resolving my mood, mental issues, people issues, etc. Guns are no use as violence was never the answer, let alone magic guns on a spacheship in a computer game.

Mum has a new job in the city and she seems to be enjoying it. She comes home happier it seems. I applied for a research trial scholarship over the break in Model Driven Architecture. I have a meeting on Tuesday about it. Hopefully I will have some fun porting diff and make and other GNU tools to MDA and possibly making a visual / GUI diff program to compare different models.

Didn’t hear back from the Lego people, so not sure if they are still interested in hiring me. I wish everyone else that is working on assessment or exam study, the best of luck. I also saw the Rotary Display of donated brasserie on the Goodwill Bridge, which made the hand rails unusable, why they went to all the effort for only 3 hours of breast cancer promotion I don’t know.

It is a shame that the majority of cancers have easy cures which the doctors and pharmaceutical companies hide. I guess human greed outweighs human compassion. It reminds of the saying it’s nothing personal, its strictly good business.Good business and Moral business two very different things.

I also went shopping for the first time in ages. It was boring and irritating. I miss the Indonesian tawar-menawar and pasar-pasar. Today society is too much harga pas. If only retribution and redemption were bargained so our consciences did suffer the ridiculously over priced fixed price of guilt , sorrow and pain.

I have also get my Gentoo development quiz finished (Yes I am lazy / careful) , two games to help design, plan and develop (with two different groups) and catch up with at least 17 people over the break, when it arrives. I haven’t decided if I am going to LCA or Woodford this year.

My pockets of specialist knowledge are growing from forms of asexual reproduction to neurology, and numerous others in between. Given I am a generalist by nature, I find this ironic.

I thought I was getting a ride home with Dallas, but he went to the Valley to have Pizza. So I caught a ride with Mum and Jacob. I shouldn’t have said anything, but I did, and had to suffer interjections, misunderstandings and ignorance. I really need to process things / issues out and resolve some flaws in the distribution of my willpower, and the nature of some things in my mind and soul.

Sometimes one doesn’t seek solutions, one just wants to talk, to discuss , to have a heart to heart, soul to soul, and yet any male on the planet assumes solutions are wanted. That trip wasn’t pleasant, and the harsh relevance of the music from All the Lost Souls (great James Blunt music on his new album), hurted more than it helped all through last night.

I came back here as a favour, but now plans are changing, and I wonder why I came. I wonder if the silence would have been better than the words said. I thought I would get some respite and time to resolve my issues, but it seems circumstances have dictated otherwise.

I seem to hide in the cryptic metaphors and references , I do this for my good and the good of others, though they don’t realise or accept it. I feel like most of the James Blunt songs I have been listening to and a few Avril Lavinge songs too.

I am sorry for shitting you off Chrystle, though I don’t know what shits off about me. If you want a straight honest answer you just have to ask for it. Alternatively it may be better if I just disappear, whatever suits you better. I live to serve … (Heck I sound like a Genie)

Relationship / Friendship development is much harder than Software Development, that is for sure. But I seem to have Gentoo packages broken (not compiling), parts of my mind and soul broken (that can be simply fixed, when I get the chance), and relationships bent and broken by circumstance.

I am currently fascinated with ambiogenesis, or the creation of something alive from something dead / non living, not really in the Frankenstein way. More in the way of the phoenix.

Honestly I am confused when one thing is said and another is written. I also like riddles again.

This post’s question is

Those who seek it , will not find it.
They question those who can not speak.
They beg the wisdom that can’t be heard.
Their prize can not be given in words.
But instead is found unintentionally by those who do not want it.
Those who have it often ignore it or complain of its burden.
It is more valuable than gold but more worthless then ash.

Who are they and what is it ?

Best of luck and hopefully I will cheerup

Benjamin Southall aka Appleman1234

Hey everyone,

My Gentoo world update is taking its sweet time, with the two main culprits listed in the title. I have been playing way too much Freelancer (sighs, and blames Ruben and crew…., then shrugs,). I finally found the music on the CD I was looking for.

The lyrics are so soothing and wonderful they caused me to sleep in and miss my lecture. But at least the assignment and my revision study (to make up for missing the lecture) is done. But it made me remember some old dreams and memories that I thought I had also lost. Interesting how memory triggers work.

Another day, another sacrifice, another distraction, and the same old songs in my mind. My dreams toss and float like plasma amidst a sea of thought cryptically revealing themselves like mermaids in bikinis, showing all that isn’t crucial and hiding the truth, secrets and beauty away.

There was the gambling, the fountain of … ?, the running, and the faces flashing, everything was topsy turvy except not, and all the blood ran cold. What subtitles beesech me to speak in such a bizarre tongue, saying but not comprehending, trusting in the flow of the words, that the message though primitive and garbled, may be heard by someone else as a plea of requiem for those neither gone nor lost, those with silent shapes and loud minds, those which make my dreams what they are …. ? Rules only led to discrepancies and betrayal but are still necessary despite their consequences…

The bitter drink which life appears to be is rather a mask for something sweeter, something purer then ever anticipated, something that will slap you in the face, like a fish out of water. The sting remains though the wound was long ago, the memory remains while all records of conscious recollection have faded and rotted away, the dream its own requiem, a taunting teasing tune, that would send all others that listen mad, except me. For I have heard the screams, and smiles that the dream recalls and I have been to places others fear to believe in.

And yet the missing fragments haunt me so, even given my circumstance of supposed to be focusing on more important things like assessment.

What can’t you remember ?

Best wishes

Benjamin Southall aka Appleman1234

Hey everyone,

I forgot my power cable today. (Again….) . The MAB220 lecture was good although I misseed the first 10 minutes. Revisiting / repeating Romberg integration and improper integrals. I believe I am now stopping with my wxMozilla efforts as the group has decided to go with a C# GUI for the ease and speed of development. I got wxMozilla to build on Windows by copying my header files from my /usr/lib/mozilla-firefox directory, this was much easier than locating them in the source tarball or generating them from the idl files using xpidl.

I managed to get to of the libs that wxMozilla wanted to link to from the gecko-sdk binary. The other libraries I didn’t manage to get as they required me to compile xulrunner from source and although I had VS2003 (and not VS2005, as it fails….) and minigw environment courtesty of the Mozilla-build package. The configure wasn’t able to find Java even with a valid .mozconfig, thanks #developers on irc.mozilla.org for all your help. Even when I set JAVA_HOME or manually provided the java bin directory, it wasn’t able to find it.

Upon walking home through the storm last night. it was wet and windy but I loved every minute of it. I got home drenched and decided just to have Chicken sandwichs with the fancy Tomato and Cheese bread that Helgas makes, only after eating did I realise the bread contained sulphites as preservatives, which I am allergic to, so long story short, I didn’t get much sleep last night and my throat is still sore. I should have cooked the mince and pasta, but my laziness and simplicity lead to my sore throat.

I hate sulphites, and I don’t like my allergy much either.

I just upgraded the wp-stats plugin so it works with WP 2.3, and I am finally taking advantage of the new tags feature.
I just received a patch that should allow WinMX to work with latest Wine, I will test it when I get home (due to lack of power cable) and will continue rebuilding the remaining 50 or so packages that need to link against expat.

This post may be smaller than normal, which may or may not be good thing.

This post’s question is Has an easy out you have taken ever had an unexpected consequence ?

You live you learn

Benjamin Southall aka Appleman1234

Hey everyone,

Uni is keeping me very busy, but I guess it is that time of year. I mean only 5 to 6 weeks and then the semester and all the exams are over. I am currently working getting wxMozilla wxPython bindings to compile on Win32. (I will be posting instructions once I am finished, other things I will eventually post include some new choruses and songs I am writing, a semi satrical piece of my IT education so far, the recordings or transcripts of some of my mental skits, etc)

I am also working on general study for all my subjects, a Maths modelling assignment, a Computer Architecture assignment and this group project for ITB712. The last few nights have been late ones at Uni, whether working or talking (thank you Sabrina) or whatever else.

I went to Elise’s engagement party of Saturday, it was absolutely wonderful. I am so glad Elise and Darren are happy. The coolness of the pool and the heat of the day complimented each other entirely. I arrived late as Dallas (my ride :P) was stuck in traffic, but it wasn’t that bigger of a deal. Elise was more excited that I actually came and that I was going to go swimming.

On the way there I discovered a design flaw in the Tomtom GPS Dallas has, you know you have been paying attention in Software Engineering Studies when you get mad or upset at poorly designed software interfaces. The dynamics of the party were interesting from the people I met at Darren’s 21st , the Tumaths, my family and the others I am yet to meet properly. It was good catching up and offering my congratulations to the engaged couple.

I also got to briefly chat with Buddy (regarding Xbox 360 mods, Halo3, anime, Doctor Who, etc) and Teegan (regarding her employment and future) which was nice. Bob Tumath (Elise’s Dad) wouldn’t stop bringing up the philosophical and utopic discussion we had on MSN ages ago, I don’t think he ever will get over my answering his humourous rhetorical questions in a logical literal sense.

The most interesting thing about the party, would have been the fact that I had seen it all already over 6 months ago, right down to the engagement ring and the dress she was wearing in a dream / premonition. I am looking forward to attending the wedding :).

After the engagement party finished Mum was giving me a lift home, and we were involved in a car cash. We are both fine now, barring some minor bruises, aches and cuts, and the car whilst damaged isn’t written and is covered under insurance. The crash was at the Dornoch Gladstone intersection that I walk across everyday, so the entire experience is a bit hallowing for me. The ambulance, police and firepeople where very helpful and polite. Mum had to say in hospital under observation for neck or spinal injury most of the night.

The worst part about the crash, is that like the engagement party it was also in my dream, the same dream in fact, and whilst I normally can predict and alter some circumstances of certain dreams and premonitions, this was static and not alterable.

I am sure I will have to mentally process everything all through, and focus on my desires and goals and apply my willpower to keep me from get sidetracked or from falling behind. I was laughing weirdly after the crash mostly from the accuracy of the premonition, my own mental vulnerability and the irony of the circumstances.

Oblivion (What I don’t know about, doesn’t concern me) and apathy (What I don’t care about, doesn’t concern me) are interesting things. I notice I have slipped away from anti-socialism and apathy for the moment, as I enjoy social contact as much as solitude and reflection, and when I become a apathetic, I become stoic (not like the philosophy, rather like the new deffinition of the word), and don’t care about anything. My heart becomes stone. I think it is better to have an emotive heart that can feel joy and pain, rather than a heart of stone, but whether my thoughts remain like that, is something for the future to determine.A significant portion of my week of holidays was torn up with this moral and psychological decision, of To be or not to be, to feel or not to feel.

After being dropped home from the hospital I watched the Sideshow (which was funny as a ever) and most of the movie The Island. I want to read Huxley’s book the Island now , having read Huxley’s Brave New world and enjoying studying the moral and philosophical implications of Utopic and Dystopic socieities.

I don’t like the fact the traffic light the same one we saw as green, and the other witnesses said was red takes less than 3 seconds to change from green to red, given the size of that intersection. I timed it this morning while walking down the hill.

I can’t wait till teleportation becomes the prefered method of travel. I just heard James Blunt’s new song 1973, and I absolutely love it, and relate to the metaphors behind it. Isolationism is so easy in today’s society. I am also rebuilding numerous software packages on my laptop as expat was masked for some reason. (So I am going through rebuilding everything againist the new expat for a second time, but the second time makes it easier.)

I also recommend the movie Tarka the Otter, is it a romantic scenic tradegy that actual uses the word bitch in its proper meaning and context.

I am going to go back to the repetitive process of fixing these bindings, and I wish you all the best and farewell for now.

This post’s question is How far would you go to protect the ones you love ? Do you agree or disagree with hunting for sport, if so then why ? (personally I disagree)

Stay safe and keep into or out of mischief

Benjamin Southall aka Appleman1234