The online home of Appleman1234 / Benjamin Southall

Hi everyone,

Wow I am actually updating, But don’t get too excited, it isn’t about the awesomeness of Ruben’s LAN or the medieval festival or even the secrets of human relationships and love, instead I present to you …

Today on my way to my only early differential equations lecture, I was carrying the port which I was going to give to Madmockhaven, I got to Z block and it spontaneously exploded ,probably due to a crack and pressure. I managed to get it all to a bin and keep my brand new DE textbook clean, I then managed to mop the spilt port with newspapers and bin that all. I got to my DEs lecture with a bleeding thumb and a minute to spare before 8am…

Z block still smells like port, and my thumb bleed through most of the DEs lecture which was taught by the awesome Cameron. So it looks like I will need to get another bottle of port to Madmockhaven and apologise to my dad for the spontaneous expolosion / expansion of one. I also got to talk with Tim, who is in my DEs class about memory, artificial intelligence and other stuff it was good.

Now back to study and helping people

Have fun

Benjamin Southall aka Appleman1234

Hey everyone,

Back at uni now, now studying IT project management, numerical linear algebra, advanced network management and differential equations.  The break from uni was good, key features included the Abbey Medieval Festival,  Ruben’s LAN, the journey to Toowoomba and the visiting of my Great Uncle Rod.

On the way to Toowoomba I had the opportunity to think and discuss some of my ideas with respect to the definition of love, and human social dynamics and relationship modelling, it was quite nice, I may publish my thoughts here later on, but I haven’t decided yet.

Immersed in reality as the first week of uni flies into my world, I have so much to do and so much to say but not enough time to document it here.

What do you learn from listening to silence ?

Best wishes

Benjamin Southall aka Appleman1234

Hey,

Got my results back earlier than expected. Got deja vu as well, degree is going to be delayed by at least year. Got lost in the darkness of suburbian, well not lost, just took the largest figure of eight of my life to date, but that kind of makes sense considering the circumstances.

I would say I don’t know anymore, but that would imply that I knew anymore to begin with …., and that would be more than a misnomer. Why my past haunts me like an apparition I don’t know.

All the movies I see, I can’t recall whether I have seen them before in past or in my dreams, it seems academic isn’t about knowledge and understanding rather what one can demonstrate on a form of assessment, and it seems that my conditioned response to this is the mathematically stutter like skat, except out of tune.

The apathy is almost returning from the fits of boredom and escapism never worked but I don’t stop trying. I wonder why everything that is set, is set in jelly. Custard creams may taste nice, but looking at one’s waste in hindsight is nothing short of paralysis.

Freedom taken, dreams taken, memories taken, innocence taken, but what is given ?

I am not sure, and am really questioning things at the moment. Any momentum I once had seems to be a memory, 3 steps forward, 1 step back. Where have the dead butterflies landed ? Where has the fun gone ? Where is the passion ? What am I seeking ? And the sound I hear is the sound of the wind, as it runs through the town, twist and spin , twist and spin.

Resistance maybe measured in ohms, but repetition leads to boredom, boredom leads to apathy and apathy brings back its own significant challenges. Mechanic diagnostics lead to the ddos of the machine, I seem to adopted as my child. As much as I want to play games or even talk, I am not allowed to. I give some empathy to those who feel this helpless with real loved ones rathered than an antropomorphised network attached storage device.

Both potential and happiness elude at present and metaprogression might be the way forward.

Why aren’t systems optimal ? Why isn’t life optimal ?

I seek, but shall I find …

Benjamin Southall aka Appleman1234

Hey,

Just a quick update. I posted a man page for myself in my pages section. You know your a geek when …..

Meh, anyhow, back to my imagination.

Benjamin Southall aka Appleman1234