I am not in an average or happy state like my previous posts. I am currently depressed with some stuff. I will get over it eventually but hey, that is life. I am that depressed, I begin to wonder about suicide and then realise my previous promise to myself and find the will power and resolve in the back of my mind. (It is the big golden box.)
I am very lucky to have this willpower and resolve, others without it have killed themselves or attempted to many times before. I have helped counsel some people out of suicide using it. As my birth was so miraculous (I survived a stroke / brain blood clot as 3 month premature baby. Doctors said I would be vegetable (no talk, no walk, no etc), and I proved them wrong.), this gives me another reason why I wouldn’t kill myself.
If I was supposed to die, I would have died then in hospital, when I had stopped breathing (numerous times). Some people produced some good stuff when they are pressured / struggling. I felt like reattempting to create stuff, so I am.
I am recording and mixing some music, making some artwork (eventually availiable on my gallery), continuting my explicit and dangerously offensive fanfic, writing some more poetry amongst other things. Made some ebuild mimetype icons for Gentoo and another Wesnoth map. (I will eventually publish my wesnoth maps)
I like the darkness and the cold. I wish QLD had snow and that I could be nocturnal. (instead of being harassed for going to bed at 1-3am). I am eager for gentoo (I want it installed and working before holidays end and preferably before lan party) and for Curtis’ lan party.
Maybe some mathematics would cheer me up, or maybe not. 😉 (MAB111 has damaged my enjoyment of mathematics, but it will recover in time) Music and poetry are wonderful tools in expressing self beauty, euphoria, depression and other emotions.
If you could have one special skill what would it be ? Mine would probably be intangibility. (The ability to become intangible and tangible at will
Best of luck from the darkness in my cave
Benjamin Southall aka Appleman1234 😐